Amethyst 2

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, Jason and Jennie are back picking up where they left off last week, discussing how a predator had been manipulating their daughter online. Feeling so much shame and blame as a parent can be unbearable, especially when it is happening right down the hall from you. The strength that came from them facing it head-on as a family, and watching Amethyst work through it was remarkable. The process for them has been one of healing; they can’t go back, but they continue to move forward.

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Topic #1

The Shame and Blame

  • In the last episode, the couple left off on this story of what had happened with their daughter Amethyst when Jennie found her laptop. Not realizing how hard it would be to re-tell the story, Jason carried it with him to Warrior Week and had to face the truth of what had been getting to him. His biggest shame was that someone had been hurting his daughter 15 feet down the hall from him in their home. No one wants to see their child get hurt, and he was dealing with a lot of shame and self-hatred, and he was able to leave behind and receive forgiveness.
  • Jason remembers as an adult, his mother telling him to sit on his lap because you are never too old not to want to see your child hurting. To go back to the events that occurred with Amethyst is very hard. It is so fucking important, and when the couple started working with sexual energy to help their relationship, they realized they needed to turn it around to help their kids. Sharing your burden and being honest when you are hurt; something has gone wrong with sexuality in our society. Amethyst agrees that her story needs to be told.
  • It is interesting that they are feeling the shame and blame, even though it has no use, it’s how we run. There is so much shame that Jennie still feels; wanting Amethyst to stop feeling pain, and the truth of what was going on was fucking horrendous.

QUOTE
“It’s interesting that we feel the shame and blame, even though it has no use; it is how we run.”- Jennie

Topic #2   

The Master Mind of a Predator

  • They had no idea that what was going on was the sick, demented acts of a sexual predator online. When they discovered the computer and that Amethyst was being taken advantage of by a 40-year-old man online, he was a mastermind. They notified the police and Ameythyst care team at the hospital. This person created a persona of a young man and made it appear that he had two female friends by using voice modifying the software. His whole drive was to manipulate, a young, vibrant, vulnerable woman sexually; he found her through Instagram when she posted a picture that said she was sad.
  • There was a lot around it, and he knew how to make her feel safe. At the utmost level trying to let Amethyst know that she should not be ashamed and she didn’t do anything wrong. When Jennie took her to an outpatient program every day and dropped her off, she noticed a man walking very quickly toward the door at the same time, remarked him but went to work. When Jennie got to work she got a call from the facility that the predator had intercepted Amethyst at the hospital and had scared her; they didn’t know it was him, but not someone that the staff knew either. It wasn’t until later that they found out it was him because Amethyst had not said anything.
  • The second thing that happened was at home. Jason got up one morning and on his doorstep was a huge gift basket and it was from the predator to Amethyst. While they were sleeping this person walked onto their property and left something on their front door. He was very good at being invisible. The cops couldn’t find him because they only had a photo of him as a teenager; he had created a false persona.

QUOTE
“We had no idea that what was going on were the sick, demented acts of a sexual predator.” – Jason

Topic #3

Twisted Sexuality

  • When they found Amethyst’s computer, they found out she had this boyfriend that was manipulating her through guilt and threats of what would happen to him if she ever told about him. They were always on edge and had the police watching the house, and he was able to put letters to their daughter in the mailbox every day. When they first took the computer to show her doctors he wanted to talk to her about it. Amethyst worked with the police from that moment on.
  • The painful things were this person coming to the house, walking in front of Jennie, the notes; Amethyst became a shell of who she was. Jennie ask what are we suggesting and creating in our society? What is the difference between sexuality and sensuality? What would this look like if we started having these conversations? Amethyst was 16 when that happened, and they have a friend who’s son is 10 and is knee deep in online porn. What happened to this person that he became this twisted piece of shit that would manipulate another person. They wondered what it took to make this person to prey one another.
  • The police figured out he had a weakness; he thought that Amethyst had not said anything. He was starting to make mistakes, tiny things that started getting happening. He began to triangulate onto one of Amethyst’s friends; trying to set up a meeting with one of them to drop something off for Amethyst. The friend agreed to cooperate and set up a meeting with this guy at her work. The police spotted him and waited and as soon as he delivered what he had the police pounced on him.
  • On a Sunday during a family dinner, a police officer that had been working with them had come to the door’ They said they got him. It was so fucked up, and the motions that were released when they found out. They took him to jail and raided his house. He had a wife, a kid and newborn twin babies; he lived locally in Utah, and he had told Amethyst he lived in Japan. He used to bring his wife to the restaurant where Amethyst was a waitress and Amethyst didn’t know that was him. When he got arrested the wife turned on him and turned over everything she knew; He was as caught as caught could be.

QUOTE
“What happened to this person that he became this twisted piece of shit that he would manipulate another person.”- Jason

Closing Thoughts

  • The word that comes to Jason is healing. Throughout the process even when they didn’t know where this guy was, it was about healing. Amethyst worked her ass off to get out of this and continues to do the healing she needs. She missed a good chunk of high school and went back, worked her ass off and graduated. She has been open and honest about it and has done excellent work with her therapist. A colleague of Jason told him he couldn’t let this stop his work, Jason said yes he could because this was his daughter. They had shifted their focus for a year; put their life on hold.
  • The couple always talked about how they wanted to go back to where things worked, and that can’t happen. They can’t go back to their bouncy-haired daughter, but they can move forward with her. Amethyst is firing on all cylinders, and she reaches out to all of them. The core of what that person did to her was to isolate her from her tribe and to use her. There must be respect for the feminine, and that didn’t happen with Amethyst; she was disrespected at the darkest level.
  • Jennie would never tell a woman to shine as brightly as she can, or for a man to yearn for that. It is a beautiful, life-giving practice; we all get juice from it, and in the same breath we can all do unbelievable fucking damage to it. When people reduce sex to procreation, you have to go back to that connection that sources something that is bigger than yourself. That is what is happening in the Shades of Intimacy.

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