Groping vs. Claiming

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, Jason and Jennie had a moment of tenderness interrupted by an ill-timed boob grab. Jennie struggling with feeling excited and angry at the same time caused confusion in her body. If you aren’t breathing with your partner and feeling their heart, it can be poorly received.

Topic #1

Boob Grab and a Coffee Clinch

  • Jennie was pissed the other morning. During their morning ritual, they will have coffee and have an intriguing conversation; it is an excellent way for them to get their brain firing for the day. Jennie was getting ready to leave, both hands are full, and he hugs her and gropes her. She was helpless, and Jason saw his opportunity and took it. It was a slow reaction for her as she walked towards her car, and gradually got angry; she was clenching her coffee and thinking mother fucker.
  • She has been groped before in their relationship, and it sends her into a tailspin. In the past, she has brushed it aside, and they have a conversation about it later that evening. On this particular morning, she couldn’t figure out what was going on, why there was heat in her body and so much rage. Jennie began to recognize that they were having a very tender moment as she was leaving the house, a hug, a kiss and then the grope. She went from being turned on to hating the way he just touched her.
  • There was confusion in Jennie’s body, and she was so pissed that she was experiencing the turn on and the rage at the same time. Jason wonders if men feel the same thing; of hating the woman, they love the most. It is a maddening feeling. Bodily she wanted him in that moment and bodily she didn’t want Jason at that moment. There was conflict, and it pissed her off; absolute aggravation.

“I wonder if men feel the same thing; hating the woman they love the most. It is a maddening feeling.”- Jason

Topic #2   

Mother May I, Grope You?

  • Jason felt that because she was putting her game face on to head out the door, she turns the sexual dials down. There is a transition of energy there as Jennie goes off to work. Jason was also not present, unconscious, clumsy and asshole-ish. If you are going to grab your woman do it consciously, that’s claiming.
  • You need to feel into your partner first, sense her. You will know right away if a boob grab or a crotch grab is a good idea or not; you will have a sense. There are times when that is the right move. Jason was feeling in the moment and grabbed her boob; that moment of transition was painful in Jennie’s body.
  • Jennie was in a way helpless; her hands were full; there was a tit grab going on, and he took advantage of it. If you are going to grab your wife, slowly move into her and watch her reaction; you can tell by her body if she is receptive. The lizard brain usually kicks in, and you move too quickly.
  • If you’re not breathing with your partner and your body isn’t open and receptive, it can be poorly received. You can appreciate and regard a boob in such a way that is so clean, instead of becoming myopic and that is all that exists.

“You can appreciate and regard a boob in such a way that is so clean, instead of becoming totally myopic and that is all that exists.” – Jennie

Topic #3

Feel Before You Grab

  • There are times when Jason will grab Jennie at the waist and pull her in, a semi-violent move in; and she knows it’s a claim, but it starts with his heart. It’s not always slow, but you need to start that way. You will learn to recognize if there is a smile on her face or what the fuck are you doing to me? You need to learn this.
  • In coaching, they have couples who come to them, and the woman will say that her husband is always groping her. How did you get to the place where you are always being groped? How did this happen? One person will reach out unconsciously, and the other person shuts down and doesn’t give the feedback of dislike, and it perpetuates into the relationship.
  • Jason loves Jennie, and he wants her, he has learned to grow sensitive to her, but on some level, it is because he loves and wants her; how he does it thought is still essential. If you can’t feel your partner in her entirety, in her heart, do not grab her ass.
  • Jennie loves when Jason grabs and claims her, it’s those moments when it is conscious. It can be clumsy as shit, but conscious is vital.

“You need to learn to recognize if there is a smile on her face or a what the fuck; you need to learn this.”- Jason

Closing Thoughts

  • In their workshops, they practice this. They set the couples a few feet apart and have them look at each other and feel each other; when the man feels his woman soften, he is instructed to make a claim. Jason has had moments in that practice that have pissed him off; it’s frustrating.
  • There is such a difference between groping and claiming; it feels so good to the feminine when your man claims your heart, pulling you in. A groping man is not trustable, and you can’t surrender too; you will clench and close, and everything will move toward the center. If you are saying that your partner is always closed and doesn’t want to be claimed, you are doing something wrong; it starts with trust.
  • If you are with your partner, and you don’t know where to go, touch them in a place that is not breast, ass or genitals. There are so many erotic places on a woman’s body, her collarbone, her shoulder, the back of her neck; claim those places. Men get focused on tits, ass, and crotch and that tends to piss women off and hurt them.
  • Practice loving the inside of her wrist, her elbow, devote yourself to it with penetration and love. There is a biological drive towards tits, ass, and pussy, it is a practice to claim other parts of her body. If you spend 5-10 minutes on an ankle, and you’re doing it right chances are she will be shoving her tits, ass, and pussy into your face.
  • If you would like to contact Jason or Jennie, you can email them at Jason@jasonfsmith.com and start a conversation. You can also go to www.shadesofintimacy.com and download the 7-days of Intimacy Challenge and also listen to past podcasts and read show notes of each. Please subscribe, rate and review this podcast on Itunes.
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