Releasing Trauma

While on a walk, Jennie shared with Jason a story of her taking the hill and releasing old trauma. Pushing through areas in our lives that we bury deep into the pit, will break through sideways in your life when you least expect it. Allowing your masculine and feminine to equally hold space in your life will deliver to your power and fullness. If you aren’t holding yourself in high regard, how are you doing that for anyone around you?

Topic #1

Getting Vertical

  • Last night during the couples walk, it began to rain. Jennie shared with Jason a story that was so good he knew it needed to be a podcast. Jennie had taken a run, and there is a part of that run that is completely vertical; the incline is very intense. It has been her nemesis, but she continues to get better and better at it. Last night was the first time that she ran the entire distance.

  • As she was continuing up the hill something hit her sideways; by pushing through and going all the way up that hill, she let go of some trauma she had been holding on to. Jennie wasn’t feeling traumatically frozen; there was no fight, flight or freeze. It wasn’t trauma at the moment, in her body there was a stored trauma that she pressed through.

  • Two decades ago, Jennie was into working out and going to the gym; she wanted to see how far she could push herself, it was exhilarating. Jennie went from a place of feeling really good about herself, to take it too far; not taking in enough calories and getting addicted to exercise.

  • It became vicious, and she dropped to 96 pounds. Her body was telling her that she was going to die; it was shutting down. She had anxiety loops and brain fog and wasn’t able to pull herself out of it.

“It became a vicious cycle and I dropped to 96 pounds. My body was telling me I was dying and it was shutting down.”- Jennie

Topic #2

Pain in the Pit

  • Jennie was in a pit, and there was a lot of pain and anxiety in that. What she recognized in getting there was at that point in her life she didn’t have a healthy relationship with her feminine; she had a relatively good relationship with the structures within the masculine.

  • The masculine is emptiness, and the feminine is fullness; there was no fullness in Jennie, she was empty. Her masculine was driving her, and she felt as though something was wrong, so Jennie saw a psychologist. The Dr. stated that she couldn’t believe that Jennie had lasted so long; it was the fact that Jennie had completely severed herself from anything that brought fullness to her life.

  • What was the moment that caused Jennie to turn the corner, and realized that this wasn’t working for her? What started it? At that time she was living with a family member, and then her brother moved out, and she was alone in the house. There is a feminine piece that was driving her to crave life and connection. Jennie went out and adopted a dog. She needed to nurture something and find fullness again.

  • Even at her lowest point the voice still spoke to her, and getting her dog was a lifeline for Jennie. The voice told her to get a dog at the shelter, and she didn’t question it.

“There was a feminine piece that was driving me to crave life and connection; so I adopted a dog.” – Jennie

Topic #3

Absolute Fullness

  • That wasn’t was Jennie was expecting to hear, or hear anything but the chatter in her brain. Instead of going to the gym she was taking her dog out for a walk in the sunshine; it became something other than herself.

  • Jennie ran up this hill and unwound some trauma in her body, and she says that because after she climbed out of that pit, she always had a recoil around driven, challenge-based exercise. She didn’t want it, and it scared the shit out of her. Jennie felt that at that moment she pushed past something, she enjoyed it, and the suddenly had a realization that it had been carried with her for decades.

  • Jennie now teaches women, female body empowerment; she has had this shadow part of her masculine that she has had an interesting dance with. For so long she ran everything through her masculine and didn’t value her feminine; once she was able to cultivate her feminine and understand sexuality more, she created a platform for her feminine to have her absolute fullness in herself.

  • When you are in your masculine, it becomes a forward penetrating force; which is great when you want to get things done. There is a tendency in Jason’s mind that if he isn’t leaning forward, not pushing, then he isn’t powerful. If Jason were to lay back, then what is he? He is lazy and shit and begins to shame himself. Jason knows that his masculine doesn’t need to laser focus in on something or lay back and be lazy; it can hold space for nothing to happen, just being in the moment for Jennie.

I know my masculine doesn’t need to laser focus in on something or lay back and be lazy; it can hold space for nothing, just be there for Jennie.”- Jason

Closing Thoughts

  • When  Jennie was in her pit, she felt like that was what her masculine did for her. It quieted everything down and held space open for just a minute to heal. Jennie united something. Last night Jason felt something click in Jennie and she is in the process of unpacking it. Her masculine is strong with her full feminine; they don’t have to be separate, they can be a strong duality.

  • Jennie looks back at that time, and her masculine did not hold her feminine in the highest regard, and her feminine did not hold her masculine in the highest regard; she was at war with herself. As a society we have created patterns and habits; if you aren’t holding yourself in the highest regard how the hell are you doing that for anyone else around you.

  • Perhaps as a culture, having is a sign of wanting and we have to put one side down to put the other one up. It’s total fucking bullshit because both sides are so powerful and at the same time simultaneously we can hold them in high regard. Jennie had to get to the place where she was able to conduct both her masculine and her feminine healthily. No skipped steps; she walked the path in grace; her dog was the grace, and she listened to the voice.

  • Jason asks Jennie what was on the other side of that hill? After the run, she came home, and they took a walk around the hill. They have their two dogs with them, and they look over, and a little white kitten is walking up the gutter. It’s raining is cold and dark, and they walk over, and they pick up that little kitten. She immediately starts purring, and no one is around, and they decided to take her home. Jennie walks ahead, and Jason hears a yelp, a cry. They turn around, and two more kittens are running after them.

  • The couple now has three kittens in their basement looking for a home. They talked about the kittens and their innocence, and when Jennie was in her pit she had lost sight of her innocence, of that spark; instead, she was living to drive and burning everything down around her.

  • When we lose our innocence as humans, that’s where our distortion stems from. As adults, we think innocence means childish, it doesn’t. It’s not nativity, it’s not childishness, it’s innocence.

  • Subscribe, rate and review this podcast on Itunes and go to www.shadesofintimacy.com to get show notes, to hear all the podcast and to download the 7-day Intimacy Challenge Map.

Scroll to top