Social vs Communal

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy Jason and Jennie discuss how something as socially acceptable as being late, propelled a group of women into a conversation that was communal. Being social is surface level, safe and clean; being communal is about getting in the mud, getting real and getting called on your bullshit. There is a depth to being part of a tribe; coming together, doing our work and getting shit done.

Topic #1

Being Present is Exhausting

  • The couple is in the studio enjoying a minute of relaxation following a hectic month and the Elemental Feminine event that concluded over the weekend. Jennie felt the event was awesome, and every woman that showed up was willing to have compelling conversations around sex and intimacy, sensuality; everybody was all in. Jason did the entry and exit interviews for the women, and he asked each woman if they got what they came for, all answered yes and more.
  • It was yes and more, because of what the women brought to it; it takes the willingness and courage of those who show up. Following this experience of being present the entire time, and going back to the real world you are pretty rung out. For two days the topics were on point, and everyone was present and open to not only their stuff but everyone’s. You go home, and you get back to surface level chatter; trying to integrate what you have learned into your every day may cost you some relationships.
  • People will want you to come back the same way, and when you don’t, they feel betrayed because they feel abandoned. There is a theory that there are three core wounds; shame, betrayal, and abandonment. When someone grows and shifts, a person, who is used to seeing the former self all that happens all at once. They felt there was an unspoken agreement to stay small and not grow, and someone had to throw it out the window and grow. A key element to survival is not too grown and never move forward.

“People will want you to come back the same, and when you don’t they feel betrayed, because they feel abandoned.”- Jennie

Topic #2   

Fashionably Late is Bullshit

  • In the context of sex, it is also If someone decides to shift, grow or expand in their sexual relationship. We can throw around the power of the pussy, but it needs to be connected to the life source of the feminine. The pussy is powerful and not just something to throw around to get what you want.
  • What was Jennie’s most challenging moment over the weekend? She isn’t aware of one. What was her best most moment? There was so much to each moment, but there was a powerful moment on the first day when a few women showed up late. That led to the most fantastic conversation amongst all of the women and what came from a communal way, not a social way. Social has its place, and it’s on the surface conversation; keeping a certain level of safety and sterility. There is social acceptability to being late; especially if others are late with you.
  • Underneath that was a concept of communal; it is dropping the social bullshit and creating community. Communally there was an agreement that we would show up at a certain time and do specific exercises; there was a space and time carved out for this. There was a communal communication that morning of this is not okay; showing up late is not okay.
  • In the social aspect showing up late is breaking a rule; in the communal, if you show up late, you will adversely affect the experience of not only yourself but everyone else waiting. People aren’t looking at you because you broke a rule, but because you changed the experience.

“In the social aspect showing up late is breaking a rule; in the communal, you adversely affect the experience for yourself and everyone else.” – Jason

Topic #3

Grab a Bucket; We are Getting Muddy

  • There is a depth in a tribe that comes together; we show up on time, we do our work, and we all do our part. Communal is taking care of the foundation and making sure that there is shelter and food; it is much more prosperous than social.
  • The couple had a massive rainstorm, and their basement was going to flood, and they said fuck it and went out there with buckets. There was a satisfaction in doing that; there was no social contract they just did what they needed to do. They just sat back knowing they saved their home, getting in the mud together; it was communal and honest. A community is not a clean, sterile thing; it is raw; social is because it has filters and perfectly posed, it’s bullshit.
  • There is a swiftness to social that helps us move along in our conversation; if there is an unwillingness underneath that to be communal, that is a very shallow relationship and painful. The best sex is deeper and when you are down in the mud, dirty and nasty but also with heart and so much more alive. Your relationship is just on the crust of social and you wonder what it would feel like if it were more communal.  So you both breakthrough, work your asses off, both calling each other on your bullshit; invested in and propelling forward instead of just agreeing to keep everything safe.

“A community is not a clean, sterile thing; it is raw. Social is clean and sterile because it has filters and is perfectly posed; it’s bullshit.”- Jennie

Closing Thoughts

  • The workshop was not the usual sit in the back row, take notes experience; those don’t get you the results you need. The women left exhausted, open and shiny, and glowing; Jennie made sure the women had the conditions they needed for breakthrough. If you are looking for growth and transformation you want communal, you want someone to call you on your bullshit.
  • The fourth stage is communal depth and can get messy, and it all started because people were late. A relationship will not survive on a social level; it requires you to be raw and real. When your relationship gets to that level, it gets better.
  • When you stay where you are, and follow the letter of the law, it is a form of sedation. When you are communal, there is a lot of juice there; Social you don’t feel it.  
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