Authentic Anger

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, Jason and Jennie have had a tough, event-filled month. Trying to help our partner in the overwhelm can sometimes be a hindrance, even with the best intentions. Taking on too much and having more packed on by your partner doesn’t make the situation any less trying. The couple has learned how to get through these moments over the years, but it doesn’t mean they don’t happen. Identify the things in your life that are being used to dull and numb you; push them aside for a period of time and see what happens.

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Topic #1

Stop Using the B-word Jason

  • The couple has had a busy month, and they have had their moments during this busy time. What does Jason do to annoy or help Jennie at these times? The annoying thing is that Jason continues to fill her schedule and not allow her the time to breathe, causing things to be rushed and put off until the last minute due to poor planning. That may sound harsh; they may have been planned but crammed together, every moment has had something in it, where it didn’t need too. This is causing Jennie to be pissed off and not very happy.
  • The couple have been teaching for years, and they teach through practice; this past weekend they decided they needed practice, and so did the whole team. The timing of it wasn’t great, and now they are further stretched sitting at home on a Monday night, doing a podcast and Jennie is pissed. The couple has never argued on the air, but this might be a first. Jason thinks Jennie is burdening herself with added tasks; Jennie hates the term burden, she has made decisions that have put herself into a tight spot. She is fucking pissed and holding Jason accountable for some of it, whether that is fair or not doesn’t matter at this point.
  • It may not be rational, and Jennie is accountable for why she is pissed off; there is a piece of Jason is not feeling her, and he just kept packing shit on her. A burden is such a fucking victim word, which Jason keeps using; she made her choices, and she is aggravated and royally, fucking pissed off.

“Stop using the word burden! It is such a fucking victim word; I made my choices and I am aggravated and royally, fucking pissed off.”- Jennie

Topic #2   

Every Rose has it’s Thorn

  • The couples life isn’t always as it appears, but they have learned how to deal with moments like these. At the end of each event, the couple does they have a moment where a circle is formed, and everyone gives a rose for the good moments they have had or a thorn for the tough ones. Jennie’s rose from this past weekend was connecting with the people she profoundly loves and taking time out to connect and spend quality time with them.
  • Leaving behind distraction, not having your fucking phone on all the time; eliminate everything to focus on who you are spending with. From Jason’s spiritual background they would go to church when he was young; for him this was horrible, Jason didn’t like it and never got anything from it. This past weekend with their team teaching that is more connected and real and authentic than any church service he had been to before. Jennie’s experience with church is that church is not designed to connect anyone; it is a show not getting into the dirt with each other.
  • Jason was raised Mormon, and once a month they have a service called, “Fast and Testimony Meeting.” In that hour you’re allowed to come up and bear your testimony and say what you believe. What happens is that there is no real honesty at that moment because you can’t get up and be real; you can only say the good things that are happening, and it’s bullshit.
  • Jennie has hidden being pissed off by the people they talk too, and she never hides it from Jason. She is using this podcast as her pulpit, sharing with the listeners that she has had a shitty week and her husband is an asshole. It would be a different world if people could hear and receive honesty.

“Jennie is using this podcast as her pulpit, sharing with all of you that she had a shitty week and her husband is an asshole.” – Jason

Topic #3

Passing On the Grape

  • The credo of the Warrior Way, the code, is stop fucking lying! The more people become accustomed to seeing the emotion in other people the more they will become comfortable in being emotional. We are so fucked up, so sanitized and so sparkly, and that is not the way shit is; especially in relationships, it doesn’t work. No one is a perfect little cardboard cut out.
  • Earlier in the day Jason’s daughter called and was crying; the first thing she said to him was, “Dad I am alright, I am just crying.” She went into work and said she didn’t have anything to do, and as she left, they said she has a 4-hour appointment on the books, and you have 5 minutes to prepare; it hit her like a ton of bricks, and she called Jason. They were talking to Amethyst over the weekend, and she spoke about how she feels that the color has drained out of her life during some moments. The couple gave Amethyst an assignment over the next 30 days, she goes live on Facebook and identifies every day something that brought color to her life and talks about it.  
  • Today Jason was Amethyst’s color; she had a revelation as well and realized that she has always had color, but at times she became color blind. We sometimes fail to see our lives in full color; because distraction has taken the color out of it. The couple is doing a 90-day no alcohol challenge and over half way is done at this point. Alcohol was such a distraction and a habitual thing; having a glass of wine after work and more than a few on the weekend. Jennie would come home, change, eat dinner and a glass of wine; it was a pure fucking habit. Cutting that out was excellent, and she hasn’t craved the alcohol, but the habit.
  • When you stress sometimes you sedate with alcohol because it relieves the stress at that moment. Occasionally stress can be a good thing, and healthy, your building capacity, and endurance; it is good though to learn how to navigate stress without shutting it down with alcohol. The couple has used alcohol in the past to ease their way into sex; it was a shortcut to reduce the stress and be able to relax at the moment faster. Without it now, they have learned how to do that without alcohol, it takes more time and is life and is possible. The physical actions of touch, feel, breath and movement, does not dull them now that they are not utilizing alcohol.

 

“We are so fucked up, so sanitized and so sparkly, and that is not the way shit is; especially in relationships, it doesn’t work. No one is a perfect little cardboard cut out. ”- Jennie

 

Closing Thoughts

  • Drinking shut Jason down and dulled him making him content to what life was. He is now is a little more feeling, and feeling things better and pressing into it. Jennie could have stayed in that box and numbed it, but there is an aliveness that their relationship was lacking.
  • In the circle they did at the end of their teaching this last weekend, they realized that no one drank. The effects of them working together was more vibrant without the dullness of alcohol; When you dull the pain with alcohol, it appears you are also dulling the capacity to feel joy.
  • Jennie encourages the listeners to experiment by finding that one thing in your relationship that is almost a masturbatory habit of throwing off energy and relaxing, and commit to leaving it behind for a period. Whether it is sitting on your computer to scroll through social media, or you come home and drink. Identify those things and push them aside for a moment and engage with your relationship in a different way.
  • Try different things and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Go to www.shadesofintimacy.com and put in your email, listen to past podcasts and get information about Jason and Jennie’s upcoming events.

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