Can You Come Out and Play?

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, Jennie is joined by her good friend Melanie Lake who has been a huge supporter of their workshops and an assistant at Finding that place as an adult where your vitality is as easy as a night in the park. Learning to play and run to something in excitement will take you from a lifeless, sedation to a place of pleasure and joy. Discover what makes you come alive and become shinier.


Topic #1

Night Games

  • The couple has been trying to get Melanie on the podcast for quite some time because she is a great storyteller. Chatting about what they wanted to talk about today and what was relevant for them. Melanie has been staying with her and brought her three kids, and Jennies sons girlfriend was there, and they played Night Games.
  • They went to a park in the pitch dark and lit a fire and played night games. They all stepped in the river; it was fun, and it reinforced that idea of vitality and bringing that to your body, to your partnership, and to your family. Playing hide and seek, adults need to remember to stop and play. As adults, we don’t realize how beaten down we get and how the shine gets worn off of us. It is so important to have that element of surprise; doing shit just for the adrenaline dump.
  • We as adults set up our lives to support sedation and not vitality; you need to begin the practice of walking yourself out of sedation and into vitality every day. How do you do that? Start a 90-day challenge for the daily support, creating goals within that 90- day challenge; one of those being to do a vitality practice every day with her kids because they still have that vitality. It takes a lot of support and can be hard.

“As adults, we don’t realize how beaten down we get and how the shine gets worn off of us.”- Jennie

Topic #2   

Shaving Cream and Mud Baths

  • There are a lot of things that get our blood pumping, and we have created acceptable adult ways to do that; going to the gym, running, was that we feel alive and vibrant. But what they are describing brings in that element of play, surprise, and joy. To re-engage and cultivate that element of play and to take that to your kids and then to your partner; there is a degree of sedation as adults in the routines of the gym, running and exercising. That isn’t where you vitality lies.
  • Have a shaving cream fight or a mud bath, climb the play structures at the park. Go on a dune buggy ride with your spouse; go full in and be 100% vitality. Taking an MMA class together is far different than just going to dinner as a couple or going for a run. How does engaging in the vitality practices, the physical mixed with playing, what kind of impact has it had on your relationship with your spouse? It transforms things because it is so much more fun to do something that brings vitality to your relationship; if you can play and laugh together, it is excellent for your connection.
  • It brings back an awareness of your sense of pleasure; as you mature you pack some things away and you lose those moments of blood pumping joy and pleasure. Sexuality was never introduced as something fun and an exciting endeavor. You pack away this part of your life and shift into another part of your life; there is a vast disconnect between what used to be so exciting and what is now being told to you to be exciting. Can you even have sexuality without this vitality in your body? You can do the act, but no pleasure with lifelessness and sedation.
  • When you have that vitality in your intimacy, you find a pleasure that you thought you were having but were not. Can you experience pleasure when you are in a sedated and dead space? You can but it is so diminished takes so much force actually to get through.

“When you have that vitality in your intimacy, you find a pleasure that you thought you were having but were not.” – Melanie

Closing Thoughts

  • We have become so conditioned to give up play. When was the last time you were so excited that you ran to something? Delighted in something like a child? Seeing that vitality in others and the joy they are feeling fills your body with joy. Watching someone enjoying in abundance, fills you with abundance.
  • It isn’t the action that you are doing but the vitality and deliciousness that you are running through your body while you are doing the activity. The difference between some level of zombism and being truly alive, and putting those things in your life that fuel your pleasure. It’s not that hard when you get into that deliciousness that vitality and that pleasure, that everything becomes that. Every smell and every action.
  • You are breaking down some massive habits by doing this, and that takes work and accountability. Why is it so hard? Because for as many years as you have been on the planet, it has slowly been chipped away, becoming something more mundane and sedated. Just bring something back like playing hide and seek, or doing a mud bath. Go out and play, with your kids, your partner or your friends; start small and do something gross and fun. Find out what makes you come alive and makes you shinier.
  • If you would like some information on the upcoming Elemental Feminine or listen to past podcasts at


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