Simon Asher

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, Jason is joined in the studio by his son, Asher. The duo discusses a “Millennials” perspective on the polarity of the sexes. Growing up in a culture that is preoccupied with erasing the vast differences between men and women, Asher reminds his generation that being masculine or feminine has nothing to do with gender. Think for yourself, and experience who you are, through you, not society’s interpretation of who you should be.

Topic #1

When Your Parents Teach Sex Ed

  • It’s just Jason in the studio today as Jennie is on vacation. Asher Smith joins his father for a younger energy to be brought into the podcast. At 24 years old, Asher has been with his partner, Brittany, for 7 years and they have attended 3 or 4 of his parents Shades of Intimacy Bootcamps. It’s a generational, family-based, sexual intimacy podcast today.
  • Jason is curious if Asher feels that the Bootcamps are relatable to someone of his age. Asher shares that the principles taught, translate across in any relationship, in any interaction you have with another person. With the amount of growth that the father-son relationship has experienced,  that is so much passed a parental one, and with Asher being so open to it, he is not bothered that his parents are the ones leading him in the experience.
  • Because of his closeness and his experience with attending the boot camps, Asher is able to offer Jason criticism that is respectful, but helpful in how he delivers information during the sessions. The feedback that can be trusted comes from a genuine space, that can help him to improve. With Asher attending the Advanced Workshops where most couples that attend have a mean level of success across the core, are mostly all married and have just hit a wall in their sexual intimacy, how does that make a young kid feel? Asher remarks that although he is young, he has been in a committed relationship for most of his core level of development and maturity. He feels he can relate mostly at the same level as the other couples.

“The principles that are taught, translate across into any interaction, with any other person.”- Asher

Topic #2   

Sacred Theater

  • Tapping into the part of himself that is most vulnerable, by speaking in front of people, Asher learned that he has the ability to interact with people in the setting of the Boot Camps. He just surrenders and doesn’t think about it when taking part in “Sacred Theater.”
  • “Sacred Theater,” is about learning lessons and is purposefully difficult. Following very long days during boot camp, 10+ hours a day, 3 days in a row, Jason gives the participants the opportunity to take on what they have learned and put on a performance for everyone else in the workshop. Although it sounds terrifying, when you’re in it, the fear activates the experiences into a version of a  public offering, about 3-5 minutes in length.
  • The general idea is that you’re put into a perceived pressure that you’re embodying into something that becomes visual for others. During this exercise, Jason has witnessed the voice channeling through Asher. Asher agrees and adds that sometimes it comes to you quickly and all the stars align. The scariest part of the process of “Sacred Theater,” is when you get the assignment and you don’t immediately get a flash of inspiration. It’s the not knowing. The best way to know that you have learned something is to turn around and teach it to someone else.
  • Jason wonders what it is like for Asher to attend with his partner Brittany. Asher states that they come together when they are supposed too, but it is very personal. They are there as a couple, but also have very singular experiences.


“I feel that Asher and Brittany both rose at the last Shades of Intimacy Bootcamp. Both in different ways. They do their own work, but rise as a couple.”-Jason

Topic #3

Gender Shenanigans

  • Asher discusses how his culture has an argument that there is no physical differences between men and women, but there is a difference. A masculine and a feminine, they have a polarity, they are something different; not relating this to gender. Differences in what causes attraction; It is in every generation. Jason adds that in his generation, polarity was strong. Men went to work and the women stayed home and raised the kids. A potent archetype. Asher believes that it will come back to that,  but not as drastic.
  • These energies of the masculine and feminine are tools. Men will utilize their feminine energies when needed with their children or in creativity. Jason is not saying that men should be men and women should be women. There are energies that men and women should learn how to animate at their choosing. Asher agrees that it is like a toolbox. You need more than one tool in it. Not just being locked into just the masculine or the feminine. 
  • Jason has noticed that in Asher’s relationship, he is the energy, flowing pole and Brittany is the on time, step-by-step, structured pole. Asher is more out of step. Jason wonders how that works in their intimacy, in the bedroom. Ashers states that he takes the masculine and Brittany takes the feminine in that situation. Jason adds that Asher has an ability to go back and forth easily. He can sit down and immediately go into a deep space of meditation.
  • Jason has witnessed Asher animate color and life and dance around with excitement like a little girl. Asher admits that is true and he isn’t ashamed of it. Movement for him is an embodiment of that. To feel the masculine and feminine at the same time. He has a deep awareness of it, but he isn’t thinking about it. It’s a feeling and he is moving with the feeling.

“I am so easily swayed by music, by energies. I was born a male, I have a masculine, physical body. The fact that I am physically masculine gives me a safe place to return too, giving me the freedom in the feminine energy. ”-Asher

Topic #4

The Millennial Factor

  • As a millennial Jason wonders if Asher is offended by the terms of masculine and feminine? Asher shares that he has said it to other millennials and was called out on it, because of all of the social justice, transgender and gender shenanigans. Because of the work Asher does, which exposes him to a lot of millennials, would he recommend these boot camps to them? Asher says that he would if they were open to it.
  • “Rave Relief,” is a non-profit, humanitarian project that Asher has started. It is a harm reduction organization that seeks to provide humanitarian efforts at electric dance events. A bodily health sanctuary that was grown from his own experience from being at an event and having a bad experience. He had someone bring him back down, grounding him out of that experience. He felt because of it, he wanted to do the same for others but on a bigger scale.
  • Asher helps people navigate their experience, safely. People attend these raves and put themselves into a childlike state of need. It usually comes with an altered state. He is there to reduce harm and does this through a hydration station, essentially he has a booth that offers free water and so much more.
  • Jason shares that the very first Shades of Intimacy boot camp that Asher went to, there was a circle at the end. A gifting circle. It is designed to give and to gain gifts. You can approach anyone in the circle, which is a safe environment, and gain something from them or offer them a gift of what you have received. It is a freeform practice that doesn’t happen every time but is dependant on Jason determining if the container that the Bootcamp has created, can contain it. The first time this happened, Asher went really deep. After the circle had ended, Asher told Jason that he wanted to do that, what Jason was doing. Guiding and maintaining the integrity of the container so that people could experience it. It’s a freeform gift. Not about what you can get for yourself but what you can give to others.

“It all about helping people to navigate through their own shit.”-Jason


Closing Thoughts

  • Asher talks about how sometimes at these events it’s a physical guidance to get them home. Other times it is an emotional process where they need to be talked out of where they are. Jason adds that he and Jennie went to one of Asher’s events. He holds a very tight masculine structure in his kingdom. He was there for whatever was needed. The masculine structure holding chaos, holding energy. Asher is on point the whole time.
  • In closing, Jason asks what Asher’s recommendation is for the Millennials. Asher encourages them to separate themselves from all of these gender ideas that are going around. Think for yourself. Go to a workshop and discover what your core is. Come and understand for yourself. Come experience for yourself.  
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