Sexual Energies

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, the couple explores the energies that keep a couple from becoming stagnant in their relationship. Whether it’s Dirty Motel Sex or a little pair of fluffy kitty ears, learning what turns your partner on is vital; and practice makes perfect.

Topic #1

Nice Kitty, Soft Kitty…

  • Jason begins this episode by asking what you would do if you came home from work and found your wife had donned a pair of kitty ears, had pissed in the cat box, is curled up on the bed in a sunny spot? Jennie answers that you fuck her silly and then hand her a scoop to clean the box. This begins the discussion of Sexual Energies.
  • Jennie begins by stating that Sexual Energies can cause general confusion. The concept of adding different energies into a sexual occasion is not totally foreign. Jason adds that there is a definite difference between what turns them both on. It takes longer for Jennie to warm up and Jason is always ready to be put into the game. Everyone has different energies.
  • Jason adds that he was with a couple and the woman kept saying she just wanted it slow. The man said but that’s the only way we do it. She asked,” What do you want? He said it might be nice, if once in awhile, as I am sitting on the toilet taking a shit, you kick open the door, pull me off the toilet and fucked my brains out on the bathroom floor. She looked horrified. All the men there agreed they would want something like that.
  • If you are feeling your partner, no one wants the same energy every time. You have to bring a different energy to the relationship. Jason remembers a specific time they had dirty motel sex and the headboard kept banging into the wall. Jennie got into it and made it slam louder and louder. That happened organically.

QUOTE
“The more you push yourself outside your comfort zone and find new energies to enlighten your partner, the more spontaneity you will have at the moment.   ”- Jennie

Topic #2   

Sexual Healing

  • Jason poses a question from a friend. His friend asks,” My wife wants to give me many different energies, like Dirty Motel Sex. He didn’t want her to do something that he felt was demeaning. What do you do with that? Jennie answers that a lot of the energies we can go into and play with, are super enlivening, like some pretty dirty scenarios.
  • We are conditioned through our life, where the occasion was with the heart closed, and completely collapsed. So it is demeaning, at that moment. It’s totally different experience when you’re with your partner, your hearts are open and you’re enlivened; you practice, you practice sex and giving different energies. Light, dark, with an open heart, looking in your partner’s eyes. If you check out anytime during sex, that’s demeaning.
  • Jason adds the darker areas of the shades of intimacy are in and of itself demeaning. Jennie says that they’re not if you come with an open heart. It’s in those darker energies where we are taught or trained to check out and assume that they are bad. But it’s in those darker energies where we trained our body to not be present. If someone is giving you some dark, raunchy energy and you can breathe and make eye contact, it will become the most intense but amazing sexual experiences you can have.
  • Jason heard it said once that women should look at the porn their men are looking at, to figure out what energy that the woman is not giving the man. Jennie adds that what brings the masculine to life’s energy. So you want to know what your man is interested in. It’s edgy. Jason shares that it doesn’t have to be edgy. He had a friend who was newly married and they watched a movie about King Arthur. He liked the energy from the movie and told his wife that was the energy he liked. The wife took it completely wrong, stood up and yelled, “stop lusting after Guinevere.”

QUOTE
“There was an energy he was asking for, he wasn’t lusting after Guinevere. There was a noble queen energy there, a flavor, a spice, one his sexual meal, that he liked.  ”-Jason

Topic #3

Exploring the Edges

 

  • When Jennie says edgy she doesn’t mean dark, she means it is an edge for a lot of people to press into especially in sexual intimacy. Even in sex if she notices a regal, queen energy does something for him, that could be outside of her comfort zone.
  • Years ago Jason remembers a workshop that he and Jennie were doing. She was to do a mother energy. Not sexual. An energy that was caring, nurturing. Men don’t want to fuck their mothers, but something in the sexual occasion Jason wants her to be very nurturing and caring.  Jennie leans towards the more wild animal, dark energies, her natural realm. So she did that lighter energy, embodied it by just touching Jason’s face. It melted him. It nourished him energetically, and that was an edge.
  • Jennies home base is in the darker energies. Her edge is in the lighter energies. If a man comes to a woman who is brand new to the concept of energies and he says please kick the door down and fuck me on the floor, it will freak her out. Jason asks Jennie how do you start to explore the edges? Jennie answers that women should watch the porn their men are watching, notice the energy your partner notices walking into a room. Jennie would watch other women. Go to workshops with other women. Embody your mother. And practice. Women notice women’s energy more so than a man’s. A woman’s energy is huge.
  • There was a woman that Jennie worked with a lot. She had the same movement, embodiment every time. Jennie told her she needed to move differently. Your partner may need something out of your comfort zone. It’s that awareness and conscious decision to do something different. You build a capacity and more spontaneity to be able to do more energy, give more energetic gifts at the moment if you practice this.
  • Jason asks Jennie what she would say to a woman who doesn’t want to do that. She wants him to love her as she is. Jennie answers that there is a big difference between feeling yourself and self-referencing. Understanding that what you have to offer to someone that is beyond what your habit, is a huge gift to that person. Jason isn’t interested in any other women. Jennie gives him a vast array of many energies. Usually, Jennie knows what energy he needs before he does, so he rarely has to ask for it.
  • Using food as an example, if Jason gave Jennie chicken and rice, with no salt, every night for a week, what would happen. You would become craven. You would start to crave something else. When you starve each other an energy that you need, you begin to crave it from somewhere else.

QUOTE
“When you take the time to get to know your bodies, you know exactly what it needs.”-Jason

Closing Thoughts

  • Sexual energy for a man, it feeds his soul, you can become craven if it isn’t fed. Women become craven in the same way. It goes beyond sex. Just feeling what the other needs. You develop your capacity to deliver different energies. Jennie practicing for 8 years and delivering many energies that delight the hell out of him. It’s not a chore for her anymore. It becomes like dance moves. Jennie adds that it is delightful. It not only enlivens him it enlivens her. When your trying all of these energies, find that place inside of you that enjoyable, that there’s pleasure in it. Because your pleasure is what really turns him on.
  • Action step for the ladies: Within the next 48 hours, notice another woman and pick up on one thing that woman is doing bodily and try it on yourself. For the men: within the next 48 hours plan and prepare a meal for your woman. And literally practice just feeling what she needs at that moment. Be in the moment. And don’t ask her.
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