Christopher Sunyata

In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, the couple is joined by Christopher Sunyata, who is an Executive Life Coach and has assisted in the Shades of Intimacy Boot Camp. The trio discusses how to get through the shit in all areas of your life, through posture, presence and relaxing physically. Achieving an openness from your body will lead to a deeper intimacy in your core.

Topic #1

Churchills Shit

  • Jason begins this episode by welcoming their friend and colleague, Christopher Sunyata to the studio. Christopher is an Executive Life Coach who helps people learn ways to lean into intensity while remaining open and relaxed. Chris has assisted the couple during their Shades of Intimacy Boot Camps. Following a recent event, they decided to take some time and decompress. The best way to decompress was they got a drink and went outside on to the porch of Jason and Jennies home.
  • They realized there was a distinct odor, assumed it was their St. Bernard, Churchill, who had taken a large dump in the yard. They turned on the lights and indeed it was their dog who had been locked on the porch and had pooped literally everywhere. They had been dealing with people’s shit all weekend. You need to be honest about your shit and letting go of your shit. It’s profound to do that in relation to each other. In a group, a community setting, it’s helpful to see others let go.
  • In Jason’s opinion, Chris is the premier expert on entering into the fire. He practices Sadhna, which is a spiritual practice. Chris explains that Sadhna defines, day in and day out, what are you doing that is actually turning you towards something greater than your inward directed self-contraction. It turns into, that you actually live a spiritual life in your intimate relationships. How you eat, take care of your body, do your job, interact with your household. All of those can be part of a spiritual practice. Chris further explained that the fire goes deeper. Yoga is being able to be in union with whatever is arising. Yoga as a spiritual term, a consciousness, a union with what is. Yoga postures you into a place of openness communicates love and openness through your body. Feels hot or hard to that, phenomenally intense and unbearable. The heat that rises from that, anything other than bliss, is what is leaving your body.  

“Avoiding relationship, in stress or arguments; we hide, we run at that moment, in that pain. A true relationship is to open up to it, don’t avoid it, Because you are burning off that momentary stress, that issue that you are facing. ”- Jason

Topic #2   

The Wall Sit and More Shit

  • Jennie shares that in intimate relationships we have our shit, so we can either spend a lot of time analyzing that, become consumed by it and just look at the shit. Or we can choose to actually let that shit go. Go into a disposition that may create a lot of heat in your relationship. Being willing to stick with that heat, and burn off what needs to let go. Then you can burn into something new in your intimate relationship.
  • Jason talks in regards to Churchill’s shit. They went out to the porch, to the open, to connect with each other, to allow the shit from the conference to go away. To burn off in an open disposition. Just 3 people in the dark, sharing a few words. And they were surrounded by shit. Their shit, other people’s shit and just shit. They sat there for awhile and just tolerated the odor, not knowing what it was. They stepped into something together and all 3 of them, held that fire. It was symbolic and disgusting. Relationship is like that. Can you sit in the shit together? It keeps coming.
  • Chris states that how we are experiencing something, we amplify it and get into our own internal drama, which is much more than what’s actually occurring. A Wall Sit , is where you rest your back against the wall and slide down until your thighs are parallel to the floor and breathe. Bringing awareness to your spine. The more you lengthen it and breathe the more intensity you can get. The intensity of physical sensation. Your capacity to breathe and stay open into it works with something you may consider a little undesirable. Doing a Chi Generation Pose, where your quads are burning. It also really acts exactly this way in the sexual realm also; in terms of how much pleasure you can conduct into your body. The same thing, but we label on positive and on negative. It attractiveness of posture.
  • Jason asks Jennie if there is truth in the importance of a man with good posture in comparison to one who is slouched over. Jennie agrees that there is a trustability and a strength in a man who has a posture, shoulders back, the chest is open and a sense that man is capable of giving you his heart.

“When a posture is curled over, protected, you can’t feel the heart in that state. It’s a collapsed cage around it vs rolled back and open.”-Jennie

Topic #3

Feel the Burn

  • Jason shares an exercise that they do during their Shades of Intimacy Boot Camp. They take 3 volunteers and have them close their eyes. They have the women vote on which man is the most attractive, the most fuckable and the most trustworthy at that moment. Then they adjust the men slightly so they stand straighter, chin tucked in and they have the women revote. The results always change. Posture is that simple. It allows for a more subtle body feeling for a woman. When a man is crunched over there’s a lot less that she can feel of his subtle body. Makes him more trustable. Your capacity to feel is the limit to how deep you can go in pleasure and in pain.
  • Chris shares a story of when he had his 4th knee surgery. He really liked the Vicodin they gave him, enjoyed the ride. Had 2 small children and realized he was disconnecting from them because of the drug fog. One morning, he didn’t take the Vicodin. He just sat and felt and breathed into the pain of his knee. He was able to lean into it and to stay present. Jennie adds that being present in your pain whatever it may be allows you to be present with those right in front of your vs running away at the first notion of pain.
  • Jason suggests that the pain was Chris’s feminine he brought. His masculine was that he stayed present in the sensation. His knee is a representation of a relationship. A man can bring to the feminine an intense pleasure and displeasure. Jennie adds that the present becomes an anchor, a North Pole and there is a sensation about the feminine she can let things fly. If the masculine can stay out of the habitual need to fix it, instead of stopping the flow that she is on, her energy can move somewhere else.

“If you have hurt your wife, you need to be open to feeling that pain you have caused so you can go a different direction, so you don’t hurt her again. She may be just feeling frisky because you haven’t taken her for a run around the block in a while.”-Chris


Topic #4

Flow and the Orgasm

  • Jason shares that every morning Jennie gets up and is in this flow. She goes around peacefully and gets ready for her day. In the last 5 minutes before she goes, everything changes. Her movement becomes rushed and jerky. He just sits and waits and lets her move. When she goes he gets on with his day. Every fucking morning. Everyone has a process in the morning. He adds that one morning he got up before her, meditated and went for a run. When she came down the stairs, he just watched her in delight. She grabbed her coffee, keys and her snacks and ran out the door. He waited because he knew. The door flies open, she grabs whatever she forgot, hugs him again and leaves. Later that morning Jennie text him, thanking him for standing in her storm. She appreciated him just being there and not trying to fix her, just being her pole.
  • Going back to the Wall Sit, men just sitting on the wall just muscles to sit longer. Straining so hard to push through. Tying this into “Why men have problems with sex.” There are several reasons. #1 They just want more. #2 They want it to last longer. #3 What can I do to please my women. #4 An openness to selflessness. Chris adds that how we show up sexually is how we relate to the whole world. Jason states that some men try to last longer with their women through just extreme effort. But it’s this relaxation, it’s counter-intuitive because men are afraid to blow their load.
  • Chris talks about how relaxing physically, so the orgasm can happen. There’s also that you want to wake up your whole body. Most guys, their consciousness goes into tunnel vision and they simply become the tip of their genitals. They actually glass over. The Wall Sit is an amazing practice because it teaches you to relax during the intensity and to feel outward into larger space. There is something about aligning the spine and not letting tension build up. There are different kinds of orgasms. The top level is the dissipating ones, where you don’t want to have any more sex after having one. There are deepening ones where you want more. 98% of men ejaculate within 3-5 minutes of entering the female.
  • Jennie adds that for the feminine there is that place where that penetrating energy and presence of the masculine, which over time, a softening starts to happen with the woman’s body, so you can start to have the deeper orgasm. When the penetration is not present, if it’s really quick, there’s a hardening in the cervix, in the vagina within the feminine body. It’s why women are accustomed to the clitoral orgasm.

“It takes that capacity of a man to last longer, for his cock to be able to rest inside of a woman so that softening can happen and that takes time. For a woman to have that deeper satisfying orgasm, that softening has to take place.”-Jennie

Closing Thoughts

  • Jason asks Chris what is coming up for him. Chris answers that he is working with David Deida, who changed Chris’s life. He showed him he was doing some things, that were actually causing a lot of the problems and what he was projecting onto his partner. He didn’t understand how the feminine works. Women are radically different animals than men. He is producing an event September 3-9 for David Deida in Crestone, Colorado. 28 men will be able to take a deep dive, into what is a residential intensive. Genuine body to body instruction like learning from your father. Chris will be teaching on authentic tantric sexual practices, meditation and showing men how to orientate towards their deeper life purpose. The ache in a man’s soul. What do I need to do before I die and how do I get there.
  • The transmission that happens with David Deida is amazing. Jennie and Jason had been reading his books for 2 years before they went to his conference. They were well versed and knee deep in his theology and it didn’t mean shit when they went to see him. Jason encourages men who are interested in the energy of masculinity, of it’s gifts and purposes to get in touch with Christopher. You can go to and click on events. It’s an application only and spots are filling up quickly.
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