In this episode of Shades of Intimacy, Jason opens up regarding the loss of his first wife. When addiction becomes part of a family dynamic, that dynamic goes sideways. Jumping in full force to keep his kids on track helped them get through, but what about Jason and his new relationship with Jennie?
3 Days of Mail
- Jason opens this episode by sharing the story of when his first wife died. 13 years ago he did a welfare check on her when she had not contacted him after 3 days. This was unusual even with her history of addiction. Going to her house and finding 3 days of mail in her mailbox, he knew something was wrong. Calling the police, they confirmed that she had passed after entering her home. Although their young children knew she had been struggling, Jason had to find a way to tell them about their mother.
- He couldn’t believe that something that started with such clarity and beautiful intention, ended like this with no recovery. Left with 3 kids to raise alone he went into a 2 year sedation period. Going through the motions like everything was okay and laser-focused on the kids with no distractions made him a better father he felt.
- When Jason finally realized he had been numb since his wife’s passing, he admittedly curled up in a fetal position at work and cried in his office alone. Finally feeling the suppression and the guilt of the relief he felt because of her addiction, the stress and tightness in his chest were gone. He went home and began to purge. Getting rid of everything and repainting the entire house for a fresh beginning. It allowed the energy of pain to move through him.
- From this emptiness came Jennie. She shares that he had done an amazing job of moving through this time in his life. She would have never known what the family had been through because there was no heaviness. Jason shares that you have to empty yourself and get real. He had to feel the pain from both sides, rage, and acceptance. He just kept moving the family forward every night and every day.
Cultivating New Fire
- Starting with the purging, the couple shares how they had to let go of their lies and meet through their intimacy. They were emptied, cleared and prepared. They had to learn to cultivate the fire because they didn’t know how to sustain it. Jason shares a parable from the bible about how you cant put new wine into old bottles. The bottle has to be prepared. If you are still living in your old lies you can’t put new wine into it.
- Jennie adds that Jason and his wife’s relationship went sideways so fast that she understands now why Jason was able to recognize right away when his current relationship with her was in trouble and things needed to change right away.
- The openness and depth the couple has now, beyond the new, is a hotness and connection within the relationship. Even when both dealt with major life-changing events, Jennie learned to not go numb and stay numb. They can both hide a little from each other, but not for long.